Spectrummy Mummy

Asperger's, Allergies, and Adventures Abroad

Juggling

with 7 comments

…I’m humbled by your ability to juggle…

…you’re obviously skilled at finding balance in your life…

…am in awe of your ability to handle so much at once…

These were comments on a recent post.  You know- the one with Hillary Clinton.  Yes, I’ll keep name-dropping, because it is now years since Hugh Grant smiled at me, and I need to bump up the star quality of this blog.

The last couple of weeks have indeed been just like a circus.  But I can’t juggle.  When I try to walk the tightrope, it becomes clear there is no balance.  You might think otherwise, because you don’t know what happened last week.  So I’ll tell you…

Last Saturday, there were two very important meetings that both Spectrummy Daddy and I had to attend.  There was nobody to take care of the kids, so I took them into work with me.  I’ve done this before, and the kds are usually happy there.  I have a TV and DVD player in my office for some reason, so that and playing with office supplies is generally enough to keep them occupied.

We bought some ready meals from the supermarket that we could heat at work for lunch.  The kids food was allergy-safe. but mine contained cashew nuts.  And because I had so many balls in the air, and my eyes were on those, I didn’t see until too late that Pudding had reached across to my food, scooped a tiny bit of sauce and stuck the finger in her mouth.

It was the first time she’d ever actually consumed cashew nuts.  Her allergy readings are from RAST tests.  Her face started to go red, and Spectrummy Daddy ran to get the epi-pen.  By the time he got back her eyes were swelling closed, and she’d got hives all over her face.

Her breathing was still normal though, and her lips and tongue didn’t seem swollen.  I held off on using the epi-pen, but her reaction was fast and serious, so I grabbed her and drove straight to the hospital.

It would be an entirely different post to write about how awful the hospital experience was for an already overloaded child who hadn’t been prepared to go there.  I was terrified, and I lost my mind.  When asked who her doctor was, I gave them the name of the pediatrician she had in Luxembourg when she was first born.  The one who told me that she “loves herself like a kitten” when I tried to question some of Pudding’s puzzling behavior.

The nurse asked if she had any other conditions.  I knew they were unlikely to have heard of Asperger’s, so I went straight to Autism.  And no, she hadn’t heard of that either.  Or ADHD.  At this point the doctor from the Consulate called and asked if I needed him to come.  Yes, I did.

They quickly administered an anti-histamine injection and oral steroids.  Her vitals were all normal, she never developed anaphylaxis…this time.  She responded immediately to the medication, and I took a photo to reassure Spectrummy Daddy, only I was shaking so hard I couldn’t manage to actually send it to him.

Image

In fact, 30 minutes later, we were free to go.  I was still shaking, but relieved.  As we drove back I remembered that I’d missed the meeting, and I’d left Cubby with Spectrummy Daddy.

It wasn’t so much that I felt the balls dropping, as I looked down and realized they were already on the floor.

I’ve had a whole week now, before writing this.  Time for things to return to our version of normal.  Time to let the guilt ease away, and learn the lessons I need to instead.  Like always keeping her environment allergy-free.  Like if the circus comes to town again, I’d better fly in some carnies to help out.  And by carnies, I mean grandparents (in the nicest possible way)!

Perhaps some mothers can manage this juggling thing better than I can.  But in that hospital last week, I knew I was holding on to the most important thing, and I wasn’t going to let her go.  Let the other balls fall as they will.

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Written by Spectrummy Mummy

August 11, 2012 at 6:16 pm

7 Responses

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  1. Sometimes, when juggling, an extra large ball can get tossed into the mix. And then it becomes impossible to focus on the other balls, and they end up on the floor. But after the balls stop bouncing, you’re able to look at the one ball that you’re still holding. And you realise that it’s the most important ball. I’m glad that your little one was okay. I know what it’s like to rush a cild to the hospital and it can be nerve racking. But in the end things were alright and things get put into perspective.

    Jim Reeve

    August 11, 2012 at 6:57 pm

  2. Given the rush of panic and adrenaline I felt just reading this, I can only imagine what you were going through. I am so, so glad to hear she’s OK.

    Lynne

    August 11, 2012 at 7:45 pm

  3. Sometimes instead of a balloon or a even the occasional bowling ball, life throws a machete or even a buzz saw into the mix. Form & aesthetics necessarily go straight out the window, and merely retaining all our precious digits & limbs becomes the prime objective. Jim Reeve is quite right, you kept all the *important* balls in the air. Pudding, Cubby & Spectrummy Daddy are all just fine. So. Not only are your “extreme juggling” skills undiminuished, but they are even more finely honed.

    Anonymous

    August 11, 2012 at 8:48 pm

  4. Bah! I think you are doing an amazing job. It may FEEL like all the balls hit the floor — but you know what? You got through it and so did your family. I’m not sure I would have reacted so well given the situation!

    Hang in there. Like Jim said above ^^^ it’s not the balls that hit the floor — it’s the one in your hands that really matters!

    Karla (Mom2MissK)

    August 11, 2012 at 11:41 pm

  5. Big hugs what a scarey experience – glad to hear she is okay and hope the rest of you are now too.

    Suse

    August 12, 2012 at 12:58 pm

  6. Glad she is okay and that you have that epi-pen for when you need it. You are still amazing in my book! Just read the previous post too and all of those compliments are deserved. Glad you have the pictures to share with kids when they are older too!

    Sue

    August 16, 2012 at 7:55 am

  7. [...] with that, the four of us were winging it to the ER/Casualty whatever you want to call it.  Last time I went there was with Pudding, and it had been a pretty bad experience.  Spectrummy Daddy pointed [...]

    Better « Spectrummy Mummy

    October 14, 2012 at 9:11 pm


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