Spectrummy Mummy

Asperger's, Allergies, and Adventures Abroad

I wasn’t expecting a friend

with 9 comments

A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself

– Jim Morrison

Pudding and E

Something wonderful has happened, something I wasn’t looking for, something I wasn’t sure Pudding was ready for:  a new friend.  Back when I wrote about their impending play date, I had no expectation that this would happen.  I’m often told by adults (even some of you) how adorable Pudding is.  Grown-ups appreciate the struggles, admire the quirkiness, and accept the differences.  Appreciation, admiration and acceptance are wonderful traits, which are very seldom found in young children.  I wasn’t expecting much from the play date.  I wasn’t expecting Pudding to want to see E again, and I wasn’t expecting E to want to see Pudding again.  I wasn’t  expecting there to be more play dates in parks, playgrounds, indoor play areas, coffee shops; each time the friendship between the two girls getting stronger.


Pudding is who she is.  At this point in her life, she hasn’t learned to conform to what people want her to be.  If you don’t like it, she just doesn’t care.  There are no airs and graces, she is herself.  It is so liberating to be 3.  So E likes Pudding for herself, and I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.  They laugh, hug, hold hands, dance around, play!  She refused to play with another child because her friend Pudding was due to arrive.  She wanted to make a bracelet for Pudding.  She will move from her chair to sit right next to Pudding.  She is a friend.

Pudding isn’t the only lucky one though.  I got a new friend too.  E’s mother and I go on girl’s nights out.  She is going to take Cubby so I can get a real break once a week, so I can take care of myself.  She is someone I can talk to, or Facebook with, or email even though we just met up that day.  She is a friend.  And I admire, accept and appreciate that friendship, just as much as I do that of her little girl.

I want to thank all my friends, new and old, online and real life, the ones who understand and the ones who try to, the ones I’ve worked with and the ones I’ve shirked with, the ones who make me laugh and the ones who makes me think, those who are close and far away, the ones I’m related to, and my best friend, the one I married.  You mean so much to me.  Your packages of chocolate, your insightful comments, your jokes, your emails, your company are what make my days so special. I wasn’t expecting you either, but I’m so glad you’re here.

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

September 2, 2010 at 5:00 am

9 Responses

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  1. Well, that wonderful little post just brightened up my dreary return to the office after holidays. They are so cute together!

    Courtney Fingar

    September 2, 2010 at 11:23 am

    • Welcome back to Blighty! They really are cute- they ran off together yesterday, holding hands and giggling. It made me want to be three again!


      September 2, 2010 at 11:30 am

  2. Oh, aren’t they gorgeous!
    I hope that this friendship of Pudding’s turns into a life-long friend 🙂


    September 5, 2010 at 4:32 am

  3. This is terrific. I love that she made a new friend, but more importantly I love that you did too. It’s so hard as adults to make new friends (like high school all over again sometimes) so this is just so nice on so many levels 🙂


    September 5, 2010 at 7:34 am

  4. Thanks for sharing that entry. That is exactly what I wanted to see & I’m so glad that you’ve already got some great friendships in place & are developing some new ones. I loved seeing the picture of Pudding & her friend E. So wonderful that they have connected. I have 3 children & want my children to be the kind of kids that can accept others for who they are, even when everyone else thinks they are different, just like E has with Pudding. What a blessing!

    A month ago we had a tragedy in our family & my BIL drowned at the age of 34 saving his foster daughter’s life. While at my sister’s house helping out & being with my BIL’s family I realized just how much my children are not exposed very often to kids that are labeled ‘different’. A few of my BIL’s siblings have foster children that have come from sad situations. I know that one of the girls suffers the effects of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. My sister has told me that she says awful things sometimes but has improved greatly over the 4 years that she has been with the family. This same girl was being what my kids called “mean” and 2 of my kids came in the house to tell me she was picking on them & saying mean things. There was a rather large group of kids playing together & I didn’t know which one they were talking about & then it clicked that it might be the one I heard about. I asked my children to show me which one & then inquired if it was L. It was, so I took my older 2 aside & explained why she was acting the way she was & that she can’t help it. I also said that if they didn’t feel comfortable playing with her they could go play somewhere else but that they were to be respectful in any interactions they had with her. They decided it was ok to continue playing with her & actually she ended up befriending my son & gave him a bead from her necklace that broke when he helped her pick the beads up later. I think one act of kindness, compassion, & understanding makes a difference in a person’s life as well as the parent. Later the foster mom of L thanked me for not just yelling at L or the her for the actions & language of L. She said, not very many people understand & would have just taken their kids away in a hurtful way. I totally understand the feeling of needing to protect my children but I would rather my children learn a lesson that not everyone is the same & how they should deal with the situation rather than being hurtful.


    October 1, 2010 at 1:28 pm

  5. Firstly, so sorry to hear of your tragic loss. May he rest in peace, and my condolences to your sister. Secondly, I’m glad they all kept playing and became friends. We all need to live together in this world, let’s teach our children how to do just that.


    October 1, 2010 at 2:01 pm

  6. […] has been a year about struggling to find time for me.  A year for discovering writing, forging new friendships, and discovering a community even at my most isolated.  Finding my voice, helping Pudding to use […]

  7. […] week we said goodbye too prematurely to my friend B, and Pudding’s friend E, who have now returned to England.  I miss them both terribly, though I’ve spoken online to […]

  8. […] the ability to work out what she needs even when her system is threatened, the capacity to make friends, flexibility in the face of disappointment.  So much more than I’d have hoped for the last […]

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