Dear Future Me,
I’ve been wanting to have this chat with you for a while now. You see, Present Me is having a hard time making decisions lately. I feel the huge, heaving consequences of every choice. Every minor detail feels like a fork in the road, and I don’t know which way to go. I’m not even sure I’m the one who is driving any more, nor do I even know where I’m hoping to get to. Are you like this, Future Me? Or do you have it all figured out? I like to imagine so. I like to imagine that you have a suave confidence, a trust in your decisions. I’d like to see that, rather than soliciting endless advice that leaves us more confused.
If you do have everything worked out, Future Me, would you mind sharing some of your secrets? Is it too much to want to join in the courage of your convictions? Have you already done that, once before? That time right after we returned to the US, and I took Pudding to the pediatrician. When I shared that I thought something was unusual about the way Pudding talked, and the way she played with other children. When that doctor told me I had nothing to worry about, was it you who whispered that she had it wrong, to trust in my instincts? If that was you, can you do it again? The uncertainty is too much, and you seem to know so much more. Can you help a sister out?
If I do it wrong, if I make mistakes, will you be forgiving? Is that who you are? Will you tell me I did the best that I could? Or will you choose to berate me for going the wrong way. Will all the ramifications fall at Past Me’s feet?
Is this all part of the journey? That I need to learn that I don’t know everything, that I’m going to try things that turn out to be mistakes, and that is okay. Is that your message? I’m sure there is a kinder way, Future Me. I’m finding you kind of annoying, when did that happen? Can you tell me what will happen with the kids? What do we need to do for them, what do we need to stop doing? What helps, and what hinders? You won’t even say that, Future Me? Do you even know? Is that why you stay so silent? You know nothing, in your omniscience.
One last thing, Future Me. Will it be okay? No reply?
No need. Watch out, Future Me. Present Me is coming quick on your heels (I hope you are wearing nice shoes by now).