Spectrummy Mummy

Asperger's, Allergies, and Adventures Abroad

Spectrummy Daddy

with 8 comments

Today is my wonderful husband’s birthday.  I could write about how every day he demonstrates the strength of unconditional love, but I can show you instead.  And I’ll show you how he never stops trying to connect with our girl, even when it is hard going.  I’d tell you that the world is a better place for every day he is on the planet, but you can see that for yourself.  Read on for the first guest post he wrote, and please join me in wishing him a very happy birthday.

……………

Hello, everyone.  Spectrummy Mummy asked me if I would like to do a guest blog, and I reluctantly agreed.  I’m kidding, I jumped at the chance.  Please don’t go visit another blog, I promise Spectrummy Mummy will return tomorrow.

When she asked me what I was going to blog, I had to think about it for a bit.  Do I talk about one of the greatest days of my life, when I became a father?  (And the German nurse in the delivery room that still makes us laugh.  Great story.  Really.)  Or, do I talk about how I cried when my pudding said “I love you Daddy” after she was diagnosed, because I was afraid she’d lose the ability to say it later on?  I wasn’t as well informed then as I am now.  She still says I love you daddy.  And then I realized what I wanted to talk about.

A daddy’s link to his little girl is always strong.  Usually there is something that is special between the two of them.  Ours was actually two things: weekend breakfasts and ice cream.  I come from a southern family that likes to eat.  We can all cook, and we like to eat good food.  Our love of ice cream and breakfast, particularly American biscuits, is passed down from generations like a good family history.  Proving that she was my daughter, pudding took to both of these items with zeal.  Every weekend I would ask pudding “What do you want for breakfast?”  She would always reply, “Biscuits and honey.  Bees make honey.”  I would smile, and make buttermilk biscuits for her.  We’d smile at each other, and I’d get a kiss from her with a thank you.  When we were out, if she was good, she was always promised ice cream.  It was always a treat from daddy for her.  “Pudding, what kind of ice cream do you want?”  “Strawberry with sprinkles” was the inevitable reply.  It was the pink ice cream, you see.  It was Pudding and daddy’s special thing, and something we bonded over.

When Pudding kept waking in the middle of the night screaming, we knew there was a problem.  When we took her to Dr. P, she suggested that perhaps we should take her to an allergist, just to rule that out as a cause.  When we received the results, my heart sank.  There it was: milk, oats, wheat, and all the others.  There’s your ice cream and your biscuits gone.  There was weekend breakfasts, ice cream treats, and the bonding I had with my little girl.  How was I going to connect to her now?  It was like starting over again 3 years later.

However, Spectrummy Mummy came to my aid when she caught me crying.  (That is also passed down in my family from generation to generation.)  With the wisdom of Solomon and the looks of a young Grace Kelly, she explained that this could be viewed as a good thing.  While we had previously connected by eating, a potentially unhealthy and dangerous activity if overindulged, we could now find something else to connect with.  So, three years after I first became a dad, I started over with my daughter.

Now, we swim together, and she does dog-pile on daddy.  When I get home, she asks to be put on daddy’s shoulders.  We have a variety of things we do to help with her vestibular issues.  Things like whip-saw where I throw her over my shoulders and spin around.   And, I am proud to say, she can point at my t-shirt with the Justice League of America on it and correctly point out Green Lantern, Batman, Aquaman and Superman.  She also likes playing with the DVD player (to my consternation) and with mummy’s iPod, just like her daddy.  Maybe one day she’ll be able to eat ice cream and biscuits again.  Right now, I’ll settle for fruit sorbet and gluten-free pancakes and hearing my daughter laugh when I tickle her, and holding her tight when she asks for a squeeze.

Advertisements

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

March 10, 2011 at 6:36 am

8 Responses

Subscribe to comments with RSS.

  1. That is incredibly and undeniably precious. Thank you for sharing this. It’s great to hear a father’s point of view. Once our son was diagnosed with ASD, my husband had to find new and different ways to connect with our son, because what we were doing before wasn’t working. I love how you did that too.
    Alysia

    akbutler

    August 23, 2010 at 7:23 am

    • Thanks so much for your comment. It was difficult, and we’re still working on it, but she and I do get along quite well. Yesterday we went for ice cream, and I was scared because they didn’t have strawberry sorbet, but the Watermelon sorbet was a huge hit, and I got to carry her around on my shoulders which she loved. It was nice.

      Spectrummy Daddy

      August 23, 2010 at 12:48 pm

  2. Thank you so much for writing this.
    I showed to my husband last night and told him that he no longer has an excuse for not learning more about our boys’ aspergers.
    In the past- he thought I was swearing at him when I said “words like proprioceptive dysfunction!”

    fiona2107

    August 23, 2010 at 9:20 pm

  3. Happy, happy birthday Spectrummy Daddy! Love from an old friend who always would have guessed you’d be exactly this kind of caring, wonderful dad to some luckly little tykes. Enjoy your day with your equally wonderful family x

    courtney

    March 10, 2011 at 8:15 am

  4. PS But I am glad you have to hit the big 3-5 before me. I consider you the advance team for this one.

    courtney

    March 10, 2011 at 8:26 am

  5. Happy Birthday. Love Mom and Dad
    This always makes me cry. Mom

    Oma

    March 10, 2011 at 9:01 am

  6. It makes me cry too, but happy tears.Happy Birthday.

    Dearna

    March 10, 2011 at 5:19 pm

  7. […] know how it hurts my husband to be rejected by the children he loves so much.  He wrote here about his efforts to come up with different ways to establish that bond with Pudding.  Now with […]


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: