Spectrummy Mummy

Asperger's, Allergies, and Adventures Abroad

Honeymoon

with 10 comments

Though it pains me to write it, the honeymoon is over.

Yesterday Pudding had her first day of evaluation at an early intervention/ school for children with autism.  To say she didn’t want to go is putting it mildly.  Her big eyes filled up with tears as she begged to stay at home with me.  It was hard to ignore, particularly as I’ve seen such growth in her by staying home with me.  Like a new bride, I was focusing only on the good, and turning a blind eye to anything that interfered with what I wanted to see.  I’d been awake since 4 am, dreading the end of our sheltered time away from the outside world.

When it came time to drop her off, she was clinging to me, alternately screaming and pleading to go home with me.  I felt a weight in my chest as I struggled not to cry myself.  In the short term, the easiest thing would have been to carry her out of there like I was Richard Gere in “An Officer and a Gentleman.”  But life is not like Hollywood, and a child with autism needs therapies.  I can’t give her everything she needs, though I wish every day that I could.  Nope, this isn’t the movies, although Pudding would have looked very cute in the sailor hat.

I collected her, and she rushed to get her backpack and then led me away impatiently as I tried to get a feel from the therapists about how her day had gone.  At home, she was a bundle of anxiety and hyperactivity.  We saw a return of old behaviours that I felt were left behind- mouthing inedible objects, picking at her skin, and climbing on the furniture.  Although I caught her in the act with the latter, right before dinner time she climbed again, and a nasty fall left a gash and bump on her forehead.

Once upon a time Pudding was quite oblivious to pain, and she still recovers well from little bumps and scratches, but this one was bad.  She was crying in pain, her little heart was racing and everything was just too much.  I cleaned her up and dressed the wound.  After a few cuddles, she was ready to venture downstairs for dinner (with the understanding that there would be a cupcake for dessert).

No sooner had we made it downstairs, than she started screaming and ran upstairs.  When she finally managed to speak, we learned that her distress was brought about by the arrival of a new vacuum cleaner for the house.  I was incredulous.  We’ve dealt with her fear of hoovers.  I’ve been able to vaccuum with her in the same room for a long time.  This was still new in the packaging- it had never been switched on.  We were hurtling down a backwards slope.

I hid the offending item, and after much reassurance that it was gone from the house and would never be used in her presence, she eventually came back downstairs and we got through dinner.  I’d felt sick all day, physically upset at the change in Pudding.  My sunny little girl once again plagued by anxiety.  I didn’t want to go back to real life, but it was already over.  There is more work to be done, and the gown and veil would just get in the way.

Then this morning she woke up….fine.  After a brief attempt to let me know she wasn’t going to school today, she nonetheless got ready, and helped pack her lunch bag.  She said nothing on the journey there, but when we arrived she went straight to her cubbyhole, left her backpack, and went to join her class.  No fuss, no drama, no tears.  There was even the tiniest smile as she began her day.

The honeymoon might be over, but that doesn’t mean there can’t be a happy marriage, even with ups and downs.  We’ll enjoy the good, and support one another through the bad, and when this tour is over, we’ll be stronger and closer than ever.  You never know, sooner or later we might even get a second honeymoon.

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Written by Spectrummy Mummy

August 25, 2011 at 4:11 am

10 Responses

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  1. I felt my heart squeeze painfully for you and Pudding as I read this post. Transitions, adjustments and all things new are very hard for all of us, I am thinking of you all and hoping the next few weeks are as smooth as possible.
    xxx

    DQ

    August 25, 2011 at 6:06 am

    • Thank you. She was back to her old self by the next day. Maybe you’re better to have one big explosion than to carry around anxiety- it seemed to work for her (not that it was pleasant that particular day!).

      Spectrummy Mummy

      August 29, 2011 at 5:15 am

  2. I bet I know exactly where you have placed her!

    Di Maitland

    August 25, 2011 at 8:07 am

  3. Poor pudding… my heart just breaks for her!! but, she’s more typical then you’d imaging!! my daughter is 11 and nuro-typical and every year since she’s been in school the transition BACK to school has been difficult… she has been anxious about our impending school year since Aug. 1st!! Not that it IN ANY WAY compares to the difficulty that Pudding has, but it still comforts me that when I see things that my little guy does and I always tend to think it has something to do with his Autism, I realize, that some things are just because they are kids!! My children love to be home with me, and I also think my little guy had a leap by just spending time with me at home this summer, but I know school is where he needs to be and that he will continue to grow by leaps and bounds when he goes back in a couple of weeks…. I know that there will be tears – probably more by me then him… but in the end, it’s where he needs to be!! I hope Pudding comes home with a smile today and everything gets better fast!!

    Joeysmommy

    August 25, 2011 at 9:25 am

    • I think it compares very well- the anxiety is just the same, but your daughter and mine have different ways of expressing it at this point. The more she gets a handle on her language and identifying her feelings, the more she’ll be able to express herself. Shame I have to send her to school to help with that!

      Spectrummy Mummy

      August 29, 2011 at 5:12 am

  4. We went through the same thing when we moved to Brazil. We also had a language issue there too. It was a rough beginning but ended up being the best thing in the world we could have done for Jay. He grew leaps and bounds. By the time we left 4 years later he was a totally different child. I am sure the same thing will happen for Pudding. You got to give it time… For you to adjust too. We concentrate so much on making sure our kids are taken care of and transitioning well that we overlook somerhing major… Ourselves. When you settle in she will too. And that my friend is my unsolicited advice

    Sharon from Mama's Turn Now

    August 25, 2011 at 10:42 am

  5. I’m going to echo what they all said. There will always be ups and downs, no matter what (and typical or non-typical…whatever that means) It’s how you handle them. And you have so much in your tool box to get her and you through those bumps in the road. Think back to last year and how much harder this same transition would have been. You’re making huge progress my friend. Huge.
    Hope the school day went well.

    akbutler

    August 26, 2011 at 7:53 am

    • She has done fine everyday since. I think it was just all a bit too sudden for her. Thank you.

      Spectrummy Mummy

      August 29, 2011 at 5:08 am

  6. For what it’s worth – I think you are doing a brilliant job with her!

    All I can see is the massive progress that you all have made but I was still sad for you reading this.
    It’s so hard when our kids go through any sort of transition and struggle with it.

    Fi (Wonderfully Wired Mum)

    August 27, 2011 at 6:01 am

    • I kind of think it was probably brewing for a few days. She’d buried all that anxiety, and eventually it had to come out.

      Spectrummy Mummy

      August 29, 2011 at 5:06 am


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