Spectrummy Mummy

Asperger's, Allergies, and Adventures Abroad

B is for Balance

with 4 comments

For my B post, I almost went with Behaviour, but beyond saying that behaviour is communication, don’t have much to say about it.  Instead, I’m going with Balance.  Balance, or the lack of balance, is a constant theme in our household.  Pudding, has a very poor sense of balance, but I’m going to talk about that another time.  I mean balance in the sense of harmony, and that is something that is a work in progress in our family.

Pudding is attending an intensive program in an autism preschool.  It is the most appropriate placement for her at this time, and yet I’m concerned that she doesn’t spend enough time with typically developing children.  It is difficult to get the balance right: to ensure she has all the support that she needs, but also to strive for inclusion.  According sufficient respect for her current needs, and adequately preparing for future goals.  I have to remind myself that I’m not in charge of time, and rushing Pudding too soon would only be counterproductive.

Pudding is very fortunate in that she has a brother.  Somehow, their age difference of two years is just right for them to play together now.  He has almost as much energy as she does, which is fortunate, as I’m generally flagging from days that begin before 5 am.  Now that Cubby is in preschool, his days are balanced too, spending his mornings with other children.  We still see a lot of copycat actions, but he is tentatively trying his hand at more social interactions.

Getting the balance right for siblings is something that is a struggle for many of us.  Spending time with both children together means being a referee.  I don’t feel like either child gets the best of me at those times.  And of course, spending more time with one means feeling guilty about the other child.  We’ve made a start on this.  On Saturday mornings, Daddy takes Cubby to play football (soccer).  I dedicate that time to Pudding, and we get to have fun just the two of us.

As a rule, at the weekends we do things together as a family.  With a week full of school and therapy, it makes for a nice contrast.  I want this kid with her incredible memory to look back and see a childhood that she enjoyed, not just shuttling from one therapist to another.  I feel responsible for that.  I’m not just striving to find balance for our family, I am the balance.

This Mother’s Day I wrote a post for about.com about autism mothers.  At the end of the post I wrote: “It is what we do, but also who we are.”  Somebody commented that this wasn’t the case for her, that autism did not define who her child was, nor who she was as a mother.  Clearly, she has a better sense of balance than I do.  When I’m adding everybody’s needs to the scales, there isn’t always room for couple time, or even time by myself.  Between our stay-at-home date nights, and time at the gym, I’m making efforts to take time for myself these days.  You never know- I might just tip the balance one of these days.


This post is part of my A-Z series.  You can find the rest by clicking here.

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

October 3, 2011 at 10:03 am

4 Responses

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  1. Balance is a good B word. . . Sooooo much balancing with the kiddos. Activities, attention, work, play. . .

    Jim W.

    October 3, 2011 at 10:31 am

  2. Trying to achieve balance in life right now is so hard, isn’t it? I struggled a long time with doling out my time to the kids and my husband and I found it’s quality over quantity. It took a long time to figure it out though and every day requires a new balance to get it right. Lovely post.


    October 3, 2011 at 3:38 pm

  3. Balance is a huge subject, isn’t it? Like that little purple octopus on your sidebar, it has many tentacles and each time we put something in one, it makes the others lighter, til we go round and round trying to even it all out. Exhausting! You struck home with me about striving for the balance of all the support Pudding needs and inclusion too. That is a difficult one for our kids. Add on everything else that life is and it can become overwhelming. I choose focus over balance. Perhaps, I’m just meant to be a little lop-sided but I haven’t figured out how to put it neatly in packets so one part does not get neglected sometimes. The best I can do is divide the day into mini-focus. Getting to school, IEP, meetings, therapies, oops a little making me presentable to the public time, a little work time, a little relax time (very little there) time to talk to the hubs and bed… each a focus and in that sense – that’s the best balance I can get. 🙂


    October 5, 2011 at 9:42 am

    • That sounds like a great balance you’ve got there- you seem to have crammed in all the essentials. 🙂

      Spectrummy Mummy

      October 7, 2011 at 4:49 am

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