Spectrummy Mummy

Asperger's, Allergies, and Adventures Abroad

A Thank You Prayer

with 4 comments

National Day of Prayer

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Dear God (I get that you go by different names to different people, but allow me the familiarity, or at least forgive me for it?),

It is Thanksgiving, so I want to offer up some thanks, as well as ask for a few things.  I think that is how this prayer thing goes.  It has been a long time….but then, you know that already, right?  Yeah you do.

Thank you for making me a mama.  I did think it was a little before I was ready, but in your omniscience (see, we have that in common!) you knew that the exhaustion I feel wouldn’t be any less as I got older.

Thank you for my girl.  Thank you for making her so…Pudding.  I’ve never met anyone so much like themself in my life.  I know you know what I mean by that.  There is no artifice, no pretense, just who she is.  But better than that- she likes who she is, at least at almost five she does.  Can you keep it that way when she is 15 and 50 too?  Can you make sure no one ever puts a cloud over her sunshine?  I know there has to be rain, but let her shine through it.  Let her see the rainbows, hell  let her make them.

Thank you for giving her language.  For being able to say no when she really means it.  It is a gift, I know, and I hope it is one she’ll always make use of.  I know we got very lucky when it comes to communication, so I don’t mind if it is a little jumbled right now.  I like that you made it so she becomes clearer when she is feeling very adamant about something (like requesting key lime pie), so I know that when I’m not around she’ll be able to put her point across.  Now God, could you just make sure everyone listens to her?  Can you make sure I do, at least?  I’ll try my best, but you know how we mortals are.

Thank you for those two times she asked why questions.  I treasure them.  Is she keeping the rest until I have better answers for her?

I very much appreciate it that you made her so loving, and she freely gives me kisses and hugs whenever she feels like it.  Now- and this is an awkward ask, God- can you have her do that for other people who love her very much, but not so much that she hugs random people in the street?  I know, big ask.

If you can’t do that, can you make it so those other people who love her don’t feel snubbed when she doesn’t feel like showing affection on their terms.  Let them know the reasons why, make them more patient, and less hurt.  Oh, and if you have any of that patience and hurt-balm going spare, put some aside for me.  I could always use more of that.  Yeah, I know you know.

Thank you for my boy.  Thank you for making him enough like his sister that they have things in common, and different enough that he is his own little man.  Thank you for making him like sports.  I know his Daddy appreciates that (not to say he wouldn’t have liked him to enjoy musical theatre either, if that comes up further down the line).  Thank you for making him impish and cheeky and naughty, and all those other things that both delight and exasperate all of us.  You did a good job with him too.

Thank you for my husband too.  If Pudding continues to like boys as much as she does now, can you send her one just like him?  Not one who looks like him, to be clear, that would just be creepy.  But send her someone who’ll stick around through hard times, and take her to places she never imagined.  Someone who loves her as she is.  If that is what she wants, of course.  If she doesn’t, let her know that that is okay too.  Oh, and she’ll be at least 25, right?  I can already tell I’m going to find it hard to let my babies go.  You-willing, I’ll do it when I have to, when they’re ready.

Thank you for special interests, for all of them, for every one of us.  In your infinite wisdom, can you please make sure Pudding never likes those Bratz dolls, or anything similar?  Oh, and that goes for Cubby too.  If he continues to like sports the way he does, can you make me a little more interested?  Autism mother I can be, or at least try to be, a soccer mom type is just not me.  Well, you made me this way, I suppose.

Can you make sure his pretty face never gets hurt?  And Pudding’s too.  And don’t let her realize how beautiful she is until she is ready for that kind of power.  And keep me from ever underestimating her like I did in that last sentence.

This is getting to be more asks than thank yous.  Sorry for that, God, is this the way we all are with you?   I wonder if it makes you mad and want to torment us?

While we’re talking….peanuts.  Peanuts!  Thank you God for allowing it to be my son and not my daughter who swallowed those two bites of peanut butter sandwich at school this week.  Thank you for making him okay, thank you so much.  But peanuts?  What is with that?!  A very allergic child, with an impulsive nature and difficulty communicating….I don’t know the mysterious ways in which you’re moving there.  I suppose I could use my ask to just keep her safe from anaphylaxis, but can’t you just uncreate (I know, not a word, but you could make it so) peanuts?  Sure, they’re delicious (heavenly, you might say) in chocolate, but is it worth all that risk?  I say it is not.

Thank you for our life as it is.  It isn’t the life I thought it would be, but again, you did well.  Better than I would have, that is for sure.  If it isn’t too greedy, God, can you make life a little better for those who are struggling?  I know, we have to do our bit down here, but sometimes it is hard to understand how things have to be so difficult for so many.  I suppose I’m not as omniscient as I thought I was.  But you knew that.  I’ll tell Spectrummy Daddy though, he’ll be pleased to hear it.

One last thing God: if you can’t make these things happen, and you can’t make me understand why, can you do one thing?  Can you make it so I never, ever die.  Or at least, I die a minute after I’m no longer needed.  I’d be okay with you sending me down there if you could just do that for me.

Thank you.  Thank you for, well, everything.

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Written by Spectrummy Mummy

November 24, 2011 at 2:07 pm

4 Responses

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  1. If it’s not too presumptuous might I just join that prayer and say this:

    God, thank you for connecting me with spectacular other spectrum mommies like Spectrummy Mummy who I adore and who helps to raise my spirits when times are hard, who makes me laugh and makes me smile and thank you for making the internet without borders so I can follow her even though she is thousands of miles away.

    Amen. 🙂

    solodialogue

    November 25, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    • Right back at you, my friend. Thank you, God, for community and friendship without borders and for sending the exact people into our lives that we need the most.
      Amen.

      Spectrummy Mummy

      November 26, 2011 at 7:23 am

  2. This is fantastic and really mirrors so many of my own thoughts and feelings. I love how you say that Pudding is more herself than other people are. I feel like my son is the same way–no pretense, no worrying about what other people think, no posturing and trying to be cool. I hope my son keeps that confidence forever!

    Patty

    November 28, 2011 at 5:30 am

  3. […] pretty big emotions.  I got completely carried away with #youmightbeanautismparentif and said a prayer of thanks (apart from […]


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