Spectrummy Mummy

Asperger's, Allergies, and Adventures Abroad


with 4 comments

I took a test yesterday.  It has been years since I sat for an exam.  I kept waiting for that familiar sensation of worry mixed with dread to appear, but it never did.  As I typed away, I kept glancing up at the clock ticking down, but was surprised to find no panic there.

Not like there used to be.  For every test, big or small, throughout my academic life, and on into the world of work, my nerves always got the best of me.  But not any more.  In fact, and I know this sounds a little odd- I enjoyed myself!

This test- a business writing exam- was the first of many steps I’ll be taking for possible, potential, one-day reentry into a career.

Or starting a career.

After six years of staying at home, I’m pretty sure this classifies as the start.  And if I do, you know, return to work…then what?  What about…everything?  It almost feels to big to tackle.  Just the coordination of school and therapy for two kids feels like a job in itself.

There it is- there are days when parenting feels like a job.  I said it.

It is really hard work at times, and I don’t get to clock off.  That isn’t to say that I don’t enjoy being home with the kids, or that I think going out to work would be better, it is just that taking an exam was so different that it felt like a break.  Perhaps the last few years in the trenches of motherhood have taught me more about how to handle myself than climbing the corporate ladder could ever have done.

The thing I used to fear most as a student- taking tests- is now a walk in the park.  For our family an actual walk in the park can be exhausting, and it can be exhilarating.  But it is rarely just a walk in the park.

Then again juggling work and special needs parenting isn’t going to be a walk in the park either.  It will be more like a series of tests, and I won’t know until I take them whether I’ll pass or fail.

The fact is that for our family like many others, going back to work isn’t a choice.  Just like how my husband has never had a choice when it comes to working.  We need a second income to help ourselves out of the debt we incurred on a single income family paying for therapy on top of other bills.

I’ll never regret the time I’m spending at home with my kids.  I felt like I needed to be there, during the earliest and most critical stages of their development.  There are no right or wrong answers here.  Staying at home cost us a great deal, and when I return to work, that will come at a price too.  I’m just hoping it will turn out to be worth it.

When I return to work, it will be a testing time for our family.  But you know, it turns out I quite enjoy taking tests these days.

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

January 27, 2012 at 2:13 pm

4 Responses

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  1. Isn’t it amazing how being a parent put everything in perspective?:)


    January 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm

  2. I want to applaud you for going back to school. I know that being a stay at home mom isn’t easy either. Maybe once you start working, you’ll be recharged and able to handle more “at home” stress.

    Jim Reeve

    January 27, 2012 at 3:51 pm

  3. I have been home with my little guy since his birth 4 years ago. Before that I had “returned” to work after being home for 6 years with my 6 and 5 year old “typical” daughters. When my youngest went to school, I went back to work part time. I LOVED it! It was a simple position, much less demanding then my job in the Financial world, but it worked! Then, God blessed me with my son and now I am finding myself totally conflicted about working before he begins full day Kindergarten a year and a half from now because of his birthday. I find that I worry so much more about him and his needs and I want everything to be so perfectly orchestrated for him…. even though our needs at home increasingly make it clear that I NEED to work. I am actually looking forward to the time when I can stop feeling guilty for staying home and not feel guilty for going to work!! Ugh!! I cangive you sooooooo much credit for taking the first steps. I’m hopeing that it will inspire me to make the leap too. Good luck to you – I know you’ll do just great!!


    January 27, 2012 at 6:15 pm

  4. I agree that parenting definitely puts everything else in a different perspective. I’m glad the test taking was fun. If anyone can handle the challenge of having another job – on top of the parenting – it’s you. Go for it girl! You’ll never know if it’s right for you until you give it a try.


    January 28, 2012 at 4:18 am

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