Spectrummy Mummy

Asperger's, Allergies, and Adventures Abroad

Archive for June 2012

We Don’t Like #1

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This could be a many part series.  Here is No. 1, because starting at 1 makes logical sense, and you can’t just skip numbers.  You just can’t!

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I had to hear a chorus of, “There’s no number 5!” for the rest of our time at the mall.  Mall builders of the world, please stop it with your fancy mezzanine levels and balconies.  It messes up the logic.  This world is nonsensical enough without this kind of thing.  We don’t like it.

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Written by Spectrummy Mummy

June 28, 2012 at 9:56 am

Wordless Wednesday 27 Jun 12

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Special thanks to my very talented friend, Mellychan, who doesn’t so much take a photo as capture a moment in time.

This week saw rare couple time for Spectrummy Daddy and myself- something that we could all use on a regular basis.

May your Wednesday be wonderful, if not entirely wordless!

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

June 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm

I’m a Belieber

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Justin Bieber performing at the Conseco Fieldh...

Justin Bieber performing at the Conseco Fieldhouse. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My kids are musical.  I don’t mean this in the sense that they are prodigies- then don’t even play instruments.  Pudding seems to get her musical tone from me (alas), but Cubby can carry a tune.  They enjoy music and it is a big part of their lives.

There may be something about the rhythm that helps Pudding to learn.  She still says her ABCs through the alphabet song, and that is also the way she learned her days of the week.  We sing silly songs to each other with her name in them- music is just another tool for me to engage my children.

Both children have auditory processing dysfunction, so we have tried various therapeutic listening approaches to try and help, but haven’t seen much improvement in that respect.  They don’t always enjoy modified music, but they do enjoy listening to regular music, and making their own (kind of).

In our previous car we had a CD player, and inevitably played two CDs the whole time.  One was mostly nursery rhymes, other kids songs, and the odd bit of Elmo- this was Cubby’s choice.  Pudding prefers female voices, so her CD featured Feist, The Carpenters and ABBA.

Our current car (though not for much longer) only has a cassette deck, so we listen to the radio instead.  A lot of the music gives me a headache, but the kids prefer it to silence.  Still, one of the presenters has a really nice voice, so even when he reads bad news, it sounds good.

I noticed a few weeks ago that Pudding has developed a couple of new artists to her repertoire.  She sings along (kind of) with Adele and Nicki Minaj.  It is interesting to me that she only likes female voices, and I think a big part of her fearing men / preferring women is that deeper voices are disturbing to her sound sensitivity.

Two weeks ago, we were in the car and a song came on that has been played a lot here over the last few weeks: Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend.”  Cubby began singing along with it, which was the first time he’d shown a preference for a song that wasn’t a rhyme.  When we came inside, he was still singing, so of course I joined in with him.  Even if I prefer my Justins of the Timberlake variety- this particular song is pretty catchy.

I love that they are both finding their own personal style, and learning how to express themselves in all the many ways we human beings can.

Last week we were in the queue to get some medicine from the pharmacy, when the loudspeaker switched on.  Normally loudspeakers (and fireworks) are the enemy for Cubby.  But lo and behold, on comes the Justin Bieber song.  To the amusement of the other customers, he announces with delight:

“Mummy, it’s our song!”

And it is wonderful, because this is him using music to engage with me.  This is social reciprocity, and I’ll take it any way it comes.  I never thought I’d say it, but I suppose that makes me a Belieber.

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

June 26, 2012 at 10:08 am

Ten Things About Johannesburg

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Johannesburg Skyline

Johannesburg Skyline (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My husband likens Johannesburg to Angelina Jolie.  She is glamorous, wild, and a tiny bit dangerous.  Oh, and if I had Angelina’s income, I’d also be adopting a bunch of orphans here too.  Life in the ‘World Class African City’ is an experience in extremes.  You might love it or hate it here, but you’ll never be bored.

Ten Best Things

1. The Weather.  I may not ever again live in a more perfect climate.  The summer was hot, but not too humid- such a pleasant escape after a DC tour.  We’re in winter now, but only a couple of days has it dipped below freezing.  Oh, and the sun shines every day, restoring vitamin D levels after a rainy three years in Luxembourg.  What’s not to love about that?

2. Community.  From cups of tea and a chat, to getting together for book club and talking about everything but the book- we have felt incredibly welcome here, quirks and all.  Perhaps because it is my first time at a Consulate rather than an Embassy, or perhaps I’d just had an isolating few years, I’m especially grateful for the warm and inclusive support here that comes straight from the top.

3. Children’s Activities.  I don’t know that there is anywhere in the world that is Johannesburg’s equal when it comes to family-friendly things to do.  Just about anything that interests your child is available here, from cutting-edge art spaces, to polo.  The best part for us was finding a swim instructorwho was experienced with special needs children.

4. Dining Out.  It is very affordable to eat out as compared to a domestic tour, and just about every dietary requirement is catered to here.  But the best thing for us is having decent restaurants which not only welcome children, but often have supervised play areas too.  You could still hang out at McDonalds, but there is no reason to do so here.

5. Language.  Okay, so there are eleven official languages, and the people here rightly take pride in that linguistic heritage.  But the official language is English, and almost everybody you encounter speaks it fluently.  Much as I am a language nerd myself, I wouldn’t much fancy trying to find therapists and schools that can support my kids’ special needs in any language other than English right now.  After almost a year, I even like the accent now- which is just as well because Cubby is picking it up a little more every day.

6. Woolworths.  Woolworths is not the same as the former Woolworths of England or the US, but part of the Marks and Spencer family.  To know Woolworths is to love it.  To know their Chocolate Millionaire Brownies is to develop an addiction that makes your clothes stop fitting.  Everything you’ll ever need in one store, and it is still cheaper than grocery shopping in the US.  It will give us Hot Cross Buns at Easter, and cranberry sauce at Thanksgiving.  Pudding appreciates it as a regular supplier of Hello Kitty products, from clothes to nut-free advent calenders.

7. Tea and Coffee.  I like my tea, and used to have my parents bring huge quantities to wherever I lived, but no need here.  Five Roses tea is wonderful.  Rooibos tea is a refreshing delight.  I can go out to any cafe or restaurant and the quality is equal to what I would drink at home.  Living in the US I developed a certain fondness for Starbucks, so was dismayed to find that it hasn’t made its way over here yet.  Imagine my delight to find several quality alternatives here, from Mugg & Bean to Vida e Caffe.  And they make babyccinos for the kids.

8. Comforts.  I’ve been known to enjoy the finer things in life, and the same can be said of the good people of South Africa.  For instance, it was a little chilly in Sunday morning, so we popped into a coffee shop where I could sip a Lindt hot chocolate while wrapped snugly in the cosy throw provided on the oversized leather chairs.  Bliss.  Did I also mention that South Africa is wine country?  If you like a glass, trust me, you’ll enjoy it here.

9. Wildlife.  Can you believe we haven’t gone on safari yet?  We want the kids settled, and a tiny bit older to fully appreciate it.  But we have been to game parks and wildlife reserves that have taken our breath away.  It is incredible to see such creatures as giraffes and lions up close.  We actually stayed at a crocodile reserve (though alarmingly, it sold crocodile skin handbags).  One of the highlights of my life so far was feeding a family of elephants, and I know we haven’t even really begun our animal adventures here.

10. Scenery.  You don’t always hear about South Africa being a beautiful country, but that just makes it even more incredible to discover.  The Drakensberg mountains are incredible, and I can’t wait to add trips to Cape Town and Durban.  I don’t think we’ll come even close to exploring everything we want to, but if we do, there is always Madagascar, Mauritius, Namibia, Zimbabwe, Botswana, Lesotho, Swaziland and Mozambique to check out, all (relatively) close at hand.

Ten Worst Things

1. Crime.  You might know that Johannesburg is considered the most dangerous city in the world before you get here, but living it is an entirely different experience.  That feeling of security I’ve always known is absent here, and for all the precautions you can take, you can’t change the amount of crime that happens.  There are sections of this city that I’ve never been to, nor will I.  Even in the suburbs I don’t feel safe at night.  A woman is raped here every thirty seconds.  There was an armed robbery right where our children play.  I’ve held a woman who had just been told her son was murdered, and not had the words to comfort her.  Crime is by far the worst thing about Johannesburg.

2. Driving.  I have to drive a lot here, so my experience is probably a little different to those who manage to avoid school run during the rush hour.  You have your usual big city lack of courtesy, together with potholes and traffic lights that don’t work.  I also have a lousy car, so I’m just grateful if I get through the day without being towed.  This is not the place to have an unreliable vehicle (see above).

3. Kombi Buses. Perhaps they should just come under the driving header, but I hate kombi buses so much that they get their own special heading.  From constantly honking, to driving on the wrong side of the road, to pulling out without looking: a day driving amongst these vehicles feels like you’re in the middle of war zone.  Needless to say, we’re not actually allowed to ride in them.

4. Growing Pains.  You’ll sometimes hear South Africans refer to their country’s struggles as ‘growing pains.’  Indeed, the post-Apartheid nation is still young, but still an interesting way to describe such deep inequality and corruption.  Sometimes living history comes at a cost.

5. Racism. Apartheid may have ended in 1994, and South Africa probably has the best constitution in the world, but there is still disproportionate challenges facing the black African population here.  When you go to a restaurant in the northern suburbs, you still tend to find that most of the customers are white, and the serving staff are black.  There is a reason why ethnic tensions still exist here.

6. Inequality.  The flip-side to living amongst these luxuries, is knowing that you are surrounded by people who will never know these creature comforts.  I find it hard living in relative wealth when I see the extreme poverty of those living in settlements or more rural parts of the country.

7. Poaching.  Rhino horn poaching is brutal and tragic, and actually increasing here.  Although the horn is made of the same material as fingernails, rhino horns nets a fortune for poachers selling to the Asian market.  Poaching is so endemic that some wildlife reserves are actually removing the rhino’s horns in an effort to protect them from slaughter.  There are few things that make me sadder than the thought of this beautiful animal becoming extinct because of man’s greed.

8. Window washers.  With official unemployment rates at 25%, and unofficial ones even higher, I can understand people looking for ways to make money.  That said, the people who clean my windscreen at the traffic lights have been unreasonably aggressive.  Driving alone with young children, I feel particularly vulnerable to their hostility.

9. Disability.  This is another world of contrasts in South Africa.  There is a young disabled black African girl who frequently sits at the traffic lights close to our home.  Who knows how many years she has been doing this, but she certainly isn’t getting a decent education.  Often you’ll see (presumably) family members leading their disabled companions through traffic to beg.  It is inconceivable that the famous disabled athlete Oscar Pistorius comes from this same country, but with a radically different experience.  Likewise, my autistic daughter’s education is entirely different to if she was born here in rural poverty.

10. Distance.  South Africa is a large country, but this is a HUGE continent.  At times it feels really far from home, and the internet doesn’t always behave as kindly as it could to the homesick.  This country has a wealth of attractions, but it can’t always compete with a 17 hour flight when you’re looking for visitors.

So there you have it.  Johannesburg is like nowhere else, but for us it feels like home.  I’ll probably never feel easy living here, but at least we’re very comfortable.  This post was inspired by a fellow Foreign Service Blogger’s contribution: Fabling.

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

June 25, 2012 at 12:18 pm

Wordless Wednesday 20 Jun 12

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Me: Line ’em up, Cowboy!

Cubby: Mummy, I’m not a Cowboy, I’m a car-boy.

Happy Wordless Wednesday, all you car-boys and girls!

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

June 20, 2012 at 9:29 am

Nuts!

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For a blog about Asperger’s, Allergies, and Adventures Abroad, I don’t talk much about the allergies.  Life with allergies is not fun.  Life with an autism spectrum disorder + allergies is terrifying.  And life with an ASD + life-threatening allergies + being abroad is a major reason I consume lots of comfort food.  Allergy-safe comfort food, naturally.

Things aren’t so bad in South Africa.  Food labels tend to adhere to the strict guidelines in the UK, so we generally know if there are hidden nuts in food.  There isn’t the same level of awareness and protection that we were used to in the US, however.  When we lived in Virginia, Pudding’s level of peanut and tree nut allergies automatically meant that her classroom was strictly nut-free.  Though she always had an epi-pen at the school nurse, she was reasonably safe and legally protected.  There are no such measures in her current school.  The staff received training from me on using the epi-pen, and they watch the children closely at lunch time.  I just have to hope that is enough.

We do our best to educate Pudding about the danger, but though she repeats the words back to us, we don’t know how much she understands.  Though we tell her she can’t share food, it may be no match for her impulsivity.     

Pudding’s blood tests reveal the highest level of peanut allergy, along with a cashew nut allergy also at potentially fatal levels.  She has never eaten nuts, so we don’t know what her true reaction will be, but be assured that I don’t ever want to find out.  I’ve lived with the same reaction to fish and seafood all my life, though I’m definitely not as reactive as I once was.  Nut allergies are known to worsen through the lifespan.

Today we got the blood results for Cubby, and imagine my surprise and delight to find that he isn’t allergic to any of the major allergens, including peanuts and tree nuts.  In fact, the doctor wants us to begin giving him nuts to build up his tolerance.

And here things get complicated.  We don’t have nut products in the house for Pudding’s sake.  He has been exposed to the same strict rules as Pudding all his life.  “We don’t eat nuts,” is echolalia I hear from both my kids several times a day.  I can’t undo our efforts with Pudding by allowing her to see Cubby eat nuts.

So my only option is to allow his school to start feeding him nuts, and put some faith in blood tests that aren’t exactly infallible.  Just another part of our adventures in Asperger’s, Allergies, and Adventures Abroad.  It was good news today, so why do I feel like saying nuts?

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

June 19, 2012 at 5:35 pm

Order and Chaos

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I’m sitting here doing paperwork.  Really.  There is a pile of health insurance “Explanation of Benefits” (which offer precious little benefits, without explanation) sitting on my lap from 2009 that I’m trying to put into order.  Then a few other piles.  One for each member of the family for the last 3 years, some bigger than others.  You can see that this task is so particularly dreadful that I had to take a break from it.

I’ve managed to neglect this task for the last three years, but today it is my priority.  I need to make some order out of this chaos.  For I know all too well that if I couldn’t manage to get this paperwork in order in the last three years while at home, it surely won’t get any better now that I’m to go out to work.

I can see from this paperwork, that I was once an organized person.  The health insurance paperwork was dutifully submitted, and returned, filed and stapled.  And then boom!  An ASD diagnosis for the first child, and paperwork comes at the bottom of a very long list of priorities.  Order was no more.

Chaos has reigned for three years.  Oh, there was order to certain things.  Therapy schedules and school were always very structured.  The rest of our lives, not so much.  Every once in a while I would try to bring some more order to our lives.  But Pudding never needed a visual schedule.  Unlike her brother who needs to know what is coming next, Pudding is- dare I say it- flexible.

But, by and large, our life is chaotic, and moving to a different continent hasn’t exactly helped with that.  This morning was the usual story.  Pudding woke up at 3.20.  Shortly after she woke her brother up.  I persuaded him to return to sleep on the mattress by our bed, but nothing was going to make Pudding go back to bed.  She was A-WAKE!  

Spectrummy Daddy dutifully removed her downstairs and the boy and I slept until 6.  And then?  I don’t know, but somehow between getting the two of them dressed and myself ready, together with all the extra things they need at the start of another school week, we were already late for Cubby’s pre-preschool occupational therapy session, and then late for Pudding’s school, and then dealing with a car that breaks down at least twice a journey.

And it occurred to me that this can’t happen any more.  We need order.  We need control.  I need to look presentable to go to work.  We need to factor in Pudding’s commute to her new school, which will have her leaving the house even earlier.  It isn’t compatible with our current lifestyle.

So I need to go back to being the person I was when I last filed this paperwork.  Organized.  Prepared.  

I’ve taken something on board that I learned from my kids over the last few years.  I’m concentrating on the visual.  Massive piles of dusty paperwork cluttering the house make me feel bad.  Nice little storage boxes look clean and orderly.  I’m going to have to commit more time in the evenings to getting read for the mornings.

Then if I’m really lucky, I can enjoy a morning of order, before heading out to the chaos of work.  Or maybe the other way round.  Either way, it will be a change from the last three years, and a much better example to set for the two pairs of eyes that are always looking, even with averted gazes.

 

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

June 18, 2012 at 3:43 pm