Spectrummy Mummy

Asperger's, Allergies, and Adventures Abroad

Posts Tagged ‘child

10 Things

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!0 ThingsPudding is about to start first grade in her mainstream school.  She is returning after completing kindergarten, so many things will remain the same, but there are new challenges for her to face.  Most importantly, a new teacher.  She asked me to tell her about Pudding, so here I will try…

1. She is always trying her best

Always.  It may not seem like it.  Especially at 3 am, it can be hard to see it, but she is aways trying her best.  She isn’t lazy, or naughty, or clumsy.  She makes every effort.  Praise her efforts.  Rejoice in her successes.  Never punish her if the results don’t match her peers.  She is trying her best.  Always.

2. Make her comfortable

Sometimes you can’t tell she is trying her best, because she is trying to get comfortable.  Getting comfortable for her could be a lot different for her than it is for you and I.  Comfort needs to be on her terms, and you might have to try a few things out before you both figure that out.  Does she need to be away from the bright light coming in from the windows?  Does she need to be seated close so it is easier for her to hear you amongst the classroom noise?  Is somebody doing garden work with loud equipment?  Does she need to get up and move?  Perhaps a stint in the sensory room.  Try and make sure her every sense is satisfied, and you’ll have a much more comfortable learner.  You’ll even find she tolerates more if you allow her to be in control.

3. Ease her anxiety

This one is easier said than done, I know.  Let her be your guide.  We’ve read the social story all through the break, and she is familiar with the school, but there will be changes to her routine that take her out of her comfort zone.  She knows when she has had enough.  Respect that, and know that if she trusts you, that is already half the battle won.  When she gains confidence, she is bold and resilient.  If she is pushed into doing something, she is scared and stubborn.  Let her be your guide, and she will push herself harder than you could imagine.

4. Speak her language

There are no shortcuts here, I can’t really give you a phrasebook in Pudding.  Communication will be a struggle until you figure out the idiosyncrasies of her language.  You’ll get to know her quirks.  She may reply ‘no’ if you ask if she is okay, and ‘yes’ if you ask if she is fine.  If she is struggling to process something verbally, try a different way.  Always respect her no.

5. Listen to your own language

What you say in the heat of the moment will echo in her heart.  I’m working right now on assuring her that her writing isn’t ‘ugly’ and that she isn’t ‘clumsy.’  Thoughtless expressions like this resonate with her.  She’ll repeat them to me, but worse than that, she’ll repeat them to herself for even longer.  Let your lasting testimony be words that build her up, rather than knock her down.

6. Give her time

I mean this both literally and figuratively.  Remember that she is taking in a lot of other information at the same time as your words, and these need to be decoded before she can respond.  Give her a few extra seconds to process a question or verbal command.  Better still, provide visual cues to assist her interpretation.  If she doesn’t seem to pick something up, try another approach until you get the right one.  You will.

7. Presume competence

Believe in her, and she’ll show you how right you are.  Do otherwise, and you’re both doomed to failure.

8. Help her to belong

She is an amazing, fascinating, beautiful, kind, brave, multi-faceted little girl.  She wants nothing more than to belong in her classroom.  Help other classmates to understand her value, and interact with her in a positive way.  Not just for Pudding’s sake, but for their own too.  Sooner or later, all of us will feel that we don’t belong.  Teach them that everybody does.

9. Embrace the special interests

Yes, you’re going to have to learn to love Hello Kitty.  Special interests can be a weapon or a tool, depending on your approach.  See Hello Kitty as a way of cutting through other distractions and helping her to focus.  You can count the Hello Kitties, write stories about them, paint pictures…the list goes on and on.

10. We’re here

We aren’t going to tell you how to teach, but we can tell you how to help her learn.  The most important thing is that the two of you develop your own relationship, and you learn from each other.  Trust me, I’m still learning from my girl, and I’m constantly amazed at all she has to teach us.

Happy learning!

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Written by Spectrummy Mummy

August 15, 2013 at 8:38 am

Wordless Wednesday 07 Aug 13

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Written by Spectrummy Mummy

August 7, 2013 at 3:46 pm

Straightforward

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Nothing is ever straightforward for us, but I’m really hoping tomorrow will be.

As part of our ongoing investigations into Pudding’s sleeping problems (which are, of course, also our sleeping problems) we went last week to visit an ENT.

After observing her scarred and over-sized tonsils, the doctor recommended removing her tonsils and adenoids, as soon as possible.  He could fit us in for tomorrow, so we went ahead and booked her in.

Seems pretty straight forward, doesn’t it?

It wasn’t.  I mentioned to the doctor my ongoing bleeding problems, and he recommended we do some pre-op testing just to be on the safe side.  The tests revealed abnormalities, indicating more tests, and ultimately leaving us with more questions than answers.

It seems our lot in life is to be in this position.  Never knowing if we are doing right from wrong, because the data is so inconclusive.  Would this surgery help Pudding?  Or will we do more harm than good?

I’ve said before that I’m glad there is no guide book to raising a child like Pudding.  Sometimes I think that we do our best learning together, often by trying the wrong thing.  Still, on days like these, I wish we had some kind of cheat sheet.  It is a simple procedure, on a complex human being.

Usually, when I’m mulling something over, I find some peace in the quiet of the night, after the children are in bed.  But Pudding doesn’t sleep soundly, even when she does sleep.  So tomorrow we try surgery.  We’ll keep on asking questions, and maybe we’ll get some answers.  

I just don’t expect them to be straightforward.  But maybe, if we’re very lucky, tomorrow will be.

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

August 6, 2013 at 7:12 pm

Wordless Wednesday 13 Feb 13

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My Sweet Valentine

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

February 13, 2013 at 7:48 am

Dancing Teapots

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I decided to take the kids out for an early dinner.  Today is one of those perfect Jozi spring days.  The Jacarandas are blossoming, but they’re not quite at their vibrant peak yet.  On a Friday afternoon sitting outdoors at a cafe in Sandton, you could be in Europe, only with better weather.  This is an unexpected treat for us all.  I was supposed to be having dental treatment, but the water was out- sometimes water and power outages are the only sign that this is still a developing country.  Developing being the right word, for all its economic slump, there is a lot of construction going on here, and sometimes the wrong pipe gets hit.

I sipped at my capuccino with cream, and enjoyed the moment of perfection, knowing it couldn’t last for long.

Pudding was content.  She’d had the Halloween Parade at school, which she’d loved.  She ordered herself a bacon and avocado sandwich and apple juice by herself.  Yes, it is the same thing she always ordered, but I’m pretty sure it is exactly what she feels like eating.  She isn’t just doing okay, she is doing really, really well lately.  She seems more comfortable in her own skin than I’ve ever seen.  The wind picked up and she turned her face to it, enjoying the caress to her skin.

Cubby was out of sorts.  I knew he hadn’t napped, and was too hungry and too tired to know what was wrong.  Normally very expressive, he was down to grunts and shouts.  He couldn’t decide what to eat, even if he wanted to eat.  A siren in the distance hurt his ears.  He was in and out of his chair.  Putting his hands in his drink and smearing it over the table.  Then he began playing with his spit when the drink was confiscated.  Finally he turned to tormenting his sister for entertainment.  The wind picked up, and he shrieked in pain as it whipped at his skin.

Watching the two of them was a study in contrasts.  Pudding, at peace; Cubby intent on disturbing it.  This was her two or three years ago.  This disorder and chaos.  Feeling something was wrong, and not knowing how to put it right.  How far she has come.

Then I let my mind wander further back.  I remember holding infant Pudding.  Apart from when she was nursing, (which I naturally did a LOT) she was screaming.  Arching her back, red-faced, furious at me for not fixing what was wrong.  And I’d go through everything I thought I knew about babies, wondering what I must have missed to make her thrash around like this.  She pulled at my hair in her rage.  The screaming made my head throb, and I wanted to run away from this tiny creature who put all her trust in me.  And though I wanted to shout and scream, I pulled her in closer, and kissed her downy head, and held her until we breathed together, just rocking and kissing, until the screaming was done.

I picked up Cubby and cradled him.  He resisted at first- pushed away, then caved in.  His floppy body curled into mine and I kissed his face.  “I’m a baby.”  He said, like he does so often.  I didn’t correct him this time.  I kissed his fingers and his arms.  He twirled his hands through my hair, just like his sister always had.  I kiss the soft nape, and when I close my eyes, I forget where I am, or when I am.  It doesn’t matter- I am mothering instinctively.

Three year-olds can only be held for so long, so I release him, and he dances for a while- trying to catch the eye of the waiting staff.  I turn back to Pudding, with her wry, contented smile.  I see what’s catching her eye: some paper teapots attached to the ceiling are fluttering in the breeze.  “Dancing teapots”, I say out loud.  “Dancing teapots”, she echoes.  We watch them together, and her hand creeps up into my hair, but in comfort, not in rage.

In that moment of calm, I feel all the many joys she has brought me.  All the dancing tea cups that I would otherwise have missed.  I know, if I have to, I can do it all over again.  Even if I still feel more rookie than veteran.  We’ll grow, and develop, and get there together.

Fan

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Back when we first started planning our trip to England, I wasn’t working.  By the time the trip came around, I was employed, and things were busy.  Not only was I new to the job, but the last couple of months are the busiest time of year, and then because of certain organizational changes, and certain people visiting, things were even busier.  There wasn’t time to think in those last few days, let alone pack, prepare the kids, and prepare the office.  Which means it was perfect timing for things to go horribly wrong.

In the week leading up to our departure, Cubby was ill, followed by myself and Spectrummy Daddy in quick succession.  We all recovered, and were feeling well by Friday, the day of departure.  I hadn’t been in the office for long when the call came from Pudding’s school that she was ill.  I raced out to get her, and out to the doctor.  She was feverish, and looked miserable, which was just how I felt.

Pudding was much more defensive than she usually is with the GP- a sure sign that she was ill.  With much patience and coaxing, the doctor managed to assess her, and promptly diagnosed Tonsilitis and a chest infection.  I must have looked how I felt, because the doctor told me she’d give Pudding some medicine, and she’d be fine to travel.  Really?  Yes, because I was her patient too, and she knows how much I needed to get away.  Pudding could be treated, and would soon be back to full health.

I asked our Regional Medical Officer for a second opinion, and he concurred.  The trip was still on, we just had to get the medication inside her.

That was easier written than done.

Pudding refused all medications, both tablet and syrup forms.  We tried mixing it into drinks, we tried bribing her, she refused.  She was not going to take that medicine!  And I wasn’t, I mean I just wasn’t going to put her through that flight without medication.  I couldn’t.  I didn’t voice it out loud, but I mentally prepared myself for not boarding.  Time ticked on, and we were sent to the gate, still without Pudding taking her medicine.

And then I saw it….a Hello Kitty fan!

Now, Hello Kitty is the tops for Pudding in terms of special interests.  But fans are the most stimtastic things for Pudding.  She learned at just a few weeks old that if she screamed if the fan was turned off, we’d turn it back on for her.  I remember Pudding not engaging in most of the assessments during her evaluation because there was a fan in the room, and she just had to keep telling us about it, and staring at it, and spinning like it.  Fans?  Fans are big.  Hello Kitty fans?  Colossal.  I instructed Spectrummy Daddy to furtively buy one.

And moments before boarding, I showed it to her.  She could have it, but she had to take the medicine.  And this time, no fuss, no fight.  She took it all.  Her temperature started to drop immediately.  And for the first time that long day, she was all smiles.

As we passed through the entrance to board the plane, one of the ground staff asked Pudding if it was her magic wand.  And of course, Pudding corrected her that it was a Hello Kitty fan.  She was right, but it was my magic wand.  And to England we did go by the grace of that Hello Kitty fan.  We ended up losing it a week or so later in some motorway services in the north of England with some other Kitty paraphernalia.

I like to think that some magic rubbed off to whoever was lucky enough to hold it next.  Because in spite of that truly turbulent start, the rest of the flight was smooth…and Pudding recovered quickly, and well, I’ll tell you some of the rest of our magical adventures another time.

 

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

September 26, 2012 at 5:19 pm

Wordless Wednesday 15 Aug 12

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Mummy, come here! I’m NOT going to squirt you…

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

August 15, 2012 at 6:03 am