Posts Tagged ‘Eye contact’
I finally made the call to Early Intervention, the second time around. I’d been putting it off, telling myself it was too soon to tell. Somehow though, those yellow flags are adding up, and I need to make the call before they turn red. This time, actually making the call was easier. I already had the number. I already know the process. I can use the right language. The lady was lovely, assuring me it is never too early to call (it isn’t!) and that if Cubby doesn’t qualify now for services, we can follow-up again any time before he turns 3. I was matter-of-fact. Echolalia. Good eye contact. Following directions. Hand-flapping. Fan-staring. Sound sensitivity. Tactile sensory-seeking. Spinning. Bouncing. Articulation. Pragmatic language. Sibling study. I reduce my beautiful, blue-eyed charmer to these terms. It is all that needs to be said. I say it calmly. She listens attentively, answers reassuringly. I try not to look at him as I speak. The whole conversation takes just a few minutes.
And when I get off the phone and I turn to him, that is when I let myself cry. I don’t want to do it again. What are the official statistics these days? 1 in 110? 1 in 70? Not 2 in 2. Not my girl and my boy. Both of them. I already feel that they don’t get what they need. It isn’t fair, but I can’t rage. It could be so much worse, I know. I’m being melodramatic. I know it isn’t a diagnosis. I know it is getting help. Help that we need. Help that might make a difference. Help that we might not even qualify for. It is just the first step, the first of many. I path I’ve traveled down before. This isn’t a disease, my kids aren’t broken. Theirs is a peculiar mix of strengths and weakness, a mysterious pattern that is known to us. It is familiar now, so it isn’t as scary.
He doesn’t notice that I’m crying. He is playing with his new bus. Appropriately. Making the brrm-brrm noises as it passes over the carpet. He looks just like any other toddler. Am I projecting my fears onto him? Could he just be imitating his sister? Is it something I’m not doing right? Is it something I’m doing wrong? Just like the first time, I wonder if it is right to make the call. And just like the first time, I feel like it is. I don’t want to walk this path again, but that isn’t my call to make.