Spectrummy Mummy

Asperger's, Allergies, and Adventures Abroad

Posts Tagged ‘father

Wordless Wednesday 08 Jan 14

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Written by Spectrummy Mummy

January 9, 2014 at 7:20 am

Wordless Wednesday 13 Jun 2012

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Happy Wordless Wednesday, and an early Happy Father’s Day to Spectrummy Daddy, who has had to put up with a whole lot of head rubbing from Pudding since he decided to shave off his hair on a whim.

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Written by Spectrummy Mummy

June 13, 2012 at 10:05 am

Wordless Wednesday 21 Mar 12

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My Father, My Son.

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

March 21, 2012 at 12:25 pm

D is for Daddy

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On Friday I collected Cubby from preschool, and we went straight to the consulate to have lunch with Daddy.  Cubby loves going there, and without Pudding around, he was the centre of attention for once.  So I wasn’t surprised that he started crying when it came time for us to leave, but I was surprised that he was still yelling “I want Daddy” through his tears some 40 minutes later.  This is new.  It has always been about me around these parts, and Spectrummy Daddy has always had to play the understudy.  Always.

When Pudding was born, the midwives commented on the same things: her size, the volume of her cry, her insatiable appetite, and her unwavering devotion to her mama.  Far from being disengaged, Pudding would stare at me, and I would stare right back.  If she was awake, she wanted nobody else to touch her.  It was all me, all the time.  The doctor told me she would grow out of it. Well, the doctors back then were wrong about a few things.

As she grew older, it was still me.  I could right her wrongs, and if she was going to share her joys with anyone, it was me.  We thought that sooner or later she’d switch her affections to her father, but it just never happened.  Even when Cubby was born, she wanted only me.  The problem was, so did Cubby.  So we’ve had a couple of years of children whose sensory issues manifest in different ways, and the only one who could fix things was me.

I know how it hurts my husband to be rejected by the children he loves so much.  He wrote here about his efforts to come up with different ways to establish that bond with Pudding.  Now with Cubby, the two of them share a love of sport, so they enjoy watching games together, and I make sure that he goes to his football practice with Daddy.  But still, I was the one he cried for in the night, I was the one who could kiss it better, I was the one he wanted.

I wonder if this is a developmental phase.  I was also very attached to my mother until around this age, when I did an about-face and became a Daddy’s girl, wanting nothing to do with my poor Mum until my late teens when I discovered shopping.  Maybe, given time, this will happen with Pudding too.  Until then, I’m going to enjoy the fact that she’s my girl.  Now we have one of each, that has to be easier.  Both Spectrummy Daddy and I both know that it could be worse, she may have not bonded with either one of us.  Once again, thanking the autism gods for all that we have.

Still, this morning Cubby would only go to his daddy, and when he put him down again, Cubby immediately started crying for more hugs.  I had a small taste of that helpless feeling that my husband has known for so long.  Spectrummy Daddy asked him what he wanted, even though we both knew the answer.  After waiting so long, it was just good to know he was wanted.

 

This post is part of my A-Z series.  You can find the rest by clicking here.

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

October 17, 2011 at 10:51 am

On Father’s Day (at Hopeful Parents)

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It is the 19th of the month, and it is Father’s Day.  Join me over at Hopeful Parents to celebrate Spectrummy Daddy, and all the other fathers who deserve to be appreciated.

To the man who:

  • wastes his days off on specialist appointments for the kids.  Because he knows I struggle to do it alone.
  • has finger-nose with Pudding (don’t ask) and orca (likewise) with Cubby.  So that each kid has their own special daddy thing.
  • gives up nights out with friends and weekend sports for playgrounds and pools.  And never lets us know that he minds.
  • gets up in the night so that I can get some rest, even though he gets up at 5.30 for work.  Then brings me a cup of tea so that my day starts out well.
  • makes up new wrestling moves to give the kids the sensory input they need.  Then performs those moves on request, over and over, even at the end of a long day.
  • sees how special our kids are, and accepts them as they are.  But will do anything to help them overcome their challenges.
  • offers a cranky wife a supply of hugs, shoulder massages, and feet rubs.  And doesn’t mind when they are demanded.
  • understands and indulges his kids’ special interests.  Because he has them himself.
  • has seen every member of this family at their very worst.  And is still here, will always be here, even if he might have to live apart at some point.
  • gives us the world.  And helps us find our place in it.
  • admits that quoting movie and TV dialogue is a tad spectrummy.  But won’t stop…and has me doing it now too.
  • looks good in blue.  And pink.
  • acknowledges that ironing is man’s work.  And makes sure Pudding and Cubby see him in action.
  • lets Pudding pick who puts her to bed, and accepts that it is never him.  But keeps asking until the day she changes her mind.
  • has become adept at finding hidden allergens in food.  And a whiz at making gluten-free, egg-free, and milk-free weekend breakfasts.
  • tells us he loves us every day.  And we never doubt it.

I couldn’t imagine a better daddy for Pudding and Cubby.  Thank you for all that you do.

Thank you to all the fathers who are here for their children, no matter what.

Thank you to those daddies who can’t be with their kids today.

Thank you to the daddies who have to be oceans apart, wishing they could be there for their children.

Thank you to all the mamas who have to be both parents to their little ones.

Thank you for doing it day in, day out.  You deserve so much more than just one day to be appreciated.

Happy Father’s Day.

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

June 19, 2011 at 7:13 am

Spectrummy Daddy

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Today is my wonderful husband’s birthday.  I could write about how every day he demonstrates the strength of unconditional love, but I can show you instead.  And I’ll show you how he never stops trying to connect with our girl, even when it is hard going.  I’d tell you that the world is a better place for every day he is on the planet, but you can see that for yourself.  Read on for the first guest post he wrote, and please join me in wishing him a very happy birthday.

……………

Hello, everyone.  Spectrummy Mummy asked me if I would like to do a guest blog, and I reluctantly agreed.  I’m kidding, I jumped at the chance.  Please don’t go visit another blog, I promise Spectrummy Mummy will return tomorrow.

When she asked me what I was going to blog, I had to think about it for a bit.  Do I talk about one of the greatest days of my life, when I became a father?  (And the German nurse in the delivery room that still makes us laugh.  Great story.  Really.)  Or, do I talk about how I cried when my pudding said “I love you Daddy” after she was diagnosed, because I was afraid she’d lose the ability to say it later on?  I wasn’t as well informed then as I am now.  She still says I love you daddy.  And then I realized what I wanted to talk about.

A daddy’s link to his little girl is always strong.  Usually there is something that is special between the two of them.  Ours was actually two things: weekend breakfasts and ice cream.  I come from a southern family that likes to eat.  We can all cook, and we like to eat good food.  Our love of ice cream and breakfast, particularly American biscuits, is passed down from generations like a good family history.  Proving that she was my daughter, pudding took to both of these items with zeal.  Every weekend I would ask pudding “What do you want for breakfast?”  She would always reply, “Biscuits and honey.  Bees make honey.”  I would smile, and make buttermilk biscuits for her.  We’d smile at each other, and I’d get a kiss from her with a thank you.  When we were out, if she was good, she was always promised ice cream.  It was always a treat from daddy for her.  “Pudding, what kind of ice cream do you want?”  “Strawberry with sprinkles” was the inevitable reply.  It was the pink ice cream, you see.  It was Pudding and daddy’s special thing, and something we bonded over.

When Pudding kept waking in the middle of the night screaming, we knew there was a problem.  When we took her to Dr. P, she suggested that perhaps we should take her to an allergist, just to rule that out as a cause.  When we received the results, my heart sank.  There it was: milk, oats, wheat, and all the others.  There’s your ice cream and your biscuits gone.  There was weekend breakfasts, ice cream treats, and the bonding I had with my little girl.  How was I going to connect to her now?  It was like starting over again 3 years later.

However, Spectrummy Mummy came to my aid when she caught me crying.  (That is also passed down in my family from generation to generation.)  With the wisdom of Solomon and the looks of a young Grace Kelly, she explained that this could be viewed as a good thing.  While we had previously connected by eating, a potentially unhealthy and dangerous activity if overindulged, we could now find something else to connect with.  So, three years after I first became a dad, I started over with my daughter.

Now, we swim together, and she does dog-pile on daddy.  When I get home, she asks to be put on daddy’s shoulders.  We have a variety of things we do to help with her vestibular issues.  Things like whip-saw where I throw her over my shoulders and spin around.   And, I am proud to say, she can point at my t-shirt with the Justice League of America on it and correctly point out Green Lantern, Batman, Aquaman and Superman.  She also likes playing with the DVD player (to my consternation) and with mummy’s iPod, just like her daddy.  Maybe one day she’ll be able to eat ice cream and biscuits again.  Right now, I’ll settle for fruit sorbet and gluten-free pancakes and hearing my daughter laugh when I tickle her, and holding her tight when she asks for a squeeze.

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

March 10, 2011 at 6:36 am

Wordless Wednesday 23 Feb 11

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Happy Birthday tomorrow to my Dad, who rocks (literally) and lets me take such ridiculous photos.

Have a great Wordless Wednesday everyone!

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

February 23, 2011 at 7:16 am