Spectrummy Mummy

Asperger's, Allergies, and Adventures Abroad

Posts Tagged ‘Romance

All You Need is Love

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There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.
Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It’s easy.

Nothing you can make that can’t be made.
No one you can save that can’t be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.
It’s easy.

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

“All You Need is Love,” The Beatles, Lennon/McCartney, Parlophone 1967.


I hate Valentine’s Day.   There, I said it. I hated it when I was a spinster (hate that word too) and I still hate it now.  That is a lot of hate for a day that purports to be about love.
It isn’t about love though, it is about crass commercialism.  A day when we feel lonely if we don’t have a significant other.  And if we do, we feel bad if we don’t buy our loved one an expensive gift, or go out for a meal that costs three times the usual price.  Really, if you’re in love, you should be showing that every single day, not waiting for a cheesy romantic occasion.  In our house, my husband is the romantic one.  I told him to never buy me anything for Valentine’s Day, not even a card, and I meant it.  I’m the Ebeneezer Scrooge of this day.  Bah, Hallmark!

I never even liked Valentine’s Day as a teenager.  Admittedly, I was a mousy-haired, flat-chested, glasses-wearing (when forced to), braces-wearing, skinny little nerd, so the odds weren’t really in my favour, and I knew that.  But what if I hadn’t got it?  What if I’d been unable to interpret the mixed messages of Valentine’s Day?  Earlier I googled “Valentine’s Day” and “autism” and it came up with a link for a social story about Valentine’s Day that was aimed at adolescents on the spectrum.  It described socially appropriate touching, ways you can tell loved ones that you care about them, developing feelings about certain people, and the specifics of card giving and receiving.  Awesome, right?

No!  Because even this came with a price tag of $9.95.  If anything is going to be tough for our kids, and really, LOTS of things are going to be tough for them, navigating the minefield of romance and social appropriateness is going to be the worst.  Add in the novelty and break from routine you get on a holiday, and the ensuing sensory overload, and I’m just downright offended.  Even here we can’t have a free service?  I’m okay with charging exorbitant amounts for flowers and jewelry, people don’t need those, but an adolescent teenager could get themselves into a world of trouble, confusion, and heartache, simply by not being able to understand another person’s intentions.

So yes, I hate it.

Nonetheless, I just assembled 11 Valentine’s cards for Pudding to take to her cupid party tomorrow at school.  I think it is stupid that even preschoolers are sucked into the ritual.  And she gets hyped-up enough on sugar at Halloween, Christmas, and Easter; not to mention candy reinforcers in her classroom and speech therapy.  I don’t like it, but I don’t have to.  It isn’t about me.  Just like the time I made the s’mores, this is another quintessential American experience.  If there is a treat involved, she’ll like it.  And if she wants to do it, I’ll make it happen for her, just like any other day.  There is nothing she can do that can’t be done.

One day I know I’ll have to explain Valentine’s Day and what it means.  I might even use a social story, but I absolutely refuse to pay a penny to anyone trying to make a profit.  She can learn how to play the game, though it probably won’t be as easy as The Beatles promised.  I hope I’ll be able to convey to her that a relationship isn’t validated by the things you buy one another at a prescribed time.  Love is spontaneous, and timeless and worthy of being celebrated every single day.  Even if you just do that by bringing a cup of tea in bed in the morning.

Still, she’ll inevitably come to her own conclusions, just like her daddy, who left me a box of chocolates this morning.  Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.  It’s easy.

Love is all you need.

Written by Spectrummy Mummy

February 13, 2011 at 8:36 pm